Yes that is the right title for this blog posting because for a change I have no creative title to include with this writing. I feel my mind going in so many directions lately that I am tired of thinking and trying to make up solutions to my problems. My problems are not life changing or mind blowing problems. Each problem is manageable provided that I allow myself to think clearly. But that is the main problem right now, I can't think clearly and I feel like I am am just "winging it" through life at this point in time. As they say" I am rolling with the punches but these punches are coming to often again. Even a boxer gets a break between rounds, but I haven't heard the bell yet so I have to try to stand tall and take these body shots and keep my eyes open for that haymaker right cross.
It seems like no sooner than I back my problems into a corner and I have them on the ropes, something's breaks it up and gives my problems breathing room to recover. I can't even do a good "rope-a-dope" to trick my problems into moving close for me to blast the hell out of them.
As much as I am expected to keep a happy face on around friends and family, I just can't do it anymore. It is more work to be what everyone else wants me to be than me just being who I can be. There are several moments were I have to ask myself, do I really want to be doing this or that. Am I doing it because that is what is expected of me? Or am I doing this because it makes me happy? In reality, I am not happy with 65% of my current life, but there is nobody to blame but myself. There is no fixing the 65% because it is what it is, and I have no interest in fixing it because I am just to tired of it all.
I still believe every new day is the chance for improvement and a blessing to be on this side of a dirt nap. I am in it until the very end, and will keep taking the gut punches, the right crosses, the upper cuts and even those numerous rabbit punches. Because I know I have it in me to win this battle with a TKO, although it won't be pretty and there is a damn good chance that I will be a little punch drunk in the future. So if I you see me looking off into the distance with a blank stare, leave me alone, I am more than likely dreaming of a much better plan.
Deep, Michael. Pretty deep indeed. I know what your experiencing-a private room in purgatory where sound and sight are what your mind makes of them. Your not the only one "winging it" but are just another bird in the sky searching for greener pastures among pigeons and eagles. Sometimes you just got to reevaluate your direction and fly for the sake of flying and avoid hitting the ground at terminal velocity.
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